2024 at a glance...

Long time no see! I thought it would be fun to do a quick write up on this year and my resolutions for the next. Overall, I think this was a really good year for me ;_; I would say the theme was New Beginnings and Change. Right off the bat, I am finally able to exist in a stable environment after surviving the looming stress of having to sell my grandparent's old house and all the baggage that came with uprooting our life. By all definitions it was a 2nd childhood home to me, I'd lived there with my mom and grandparent's ever since I was 10, and even before that I visited extremely often. When my grandparent's passed away, we inherited it completely, but we just. could not afford to live there and it finally caught up to us. For all the drama and tears it took to get to the finish line, leaving was pretty anticlimactic tbh. I've never really talked about it before- but driving away I felt nothing, nothing for the house I'd lived in for over half my life. Maybe vague relief? The house never really felt like "mine", it was always "my grandparent's house that my mom and I were forced to live in", and so the thought of having something we could call our own was more exciting than remaining in a place I had minimal emotional connection to beyond it reminding me of my grandparents which...is also complex to say the least. All I'll say is that my mom had to get it from somewhere!!!

I love our new space dearly!!! I got to decorate my room the way I wanted to for the first time in my life...I hope we can stay another year T_T

Beyond having a fresh start in a new space, the most significant thing that happened to me this year was starting therapy and getting my DID diagnosis. I originally found my dissociation-informed therapist because I was having symptoms that suggested some sort of dissociative disorder during, and especially after graduating college...I guess I can share a quick story because it's a LITTLE funny, but during my first quarter of college I experienced 2 consistent sources of dialogue in my head outside of my own. One was really monotone and curt and only seemed interested in making sure I didn't like...sit in my bed and rot all day. Basically the self-care guy, and the other was just super angry and paranoid all the time. It didn't trust my roommates or the one consistant friend I had in college and would regularly warn me to watch my back. (To its credit, it kind of had a point lmao) I guess it's funny to me because I immediately rationalized this as just my OCs talking to me because well...they are very "real" to me, and I was thankful to them for feeling protective and wanting to help me stay afloat. Once I graduated however, those same presences weren't so easy to get along with anymore, and uh, there was a new guy?? That on top of my newfound time to think about my life up until that point and the slow realization that there was a lot that I experienced that was NOT ok or given the attention it deserved when it happened, kind of knocked the wind out of me and I realized I needed help. 

Once I was in therapy, I was able to take the MID and I scored within range for OSDDID. I think because I already came in advocating for my care and braced myself for every possibility, the diagnosis didn't exactly bring me to my knees. I was just. really happy to know what was "wrong" with me, because now that it had a name I could problem-solve right? Little did I know that from this point on, learning more about the others I share this body with would be a whirlwind of hurt, sadness, resentment, love, acceptance, healing and many many more words. Perhaps it's controversial to say- but while I mourn for what this body endured as a child, and I wouldn't wish this disorder on anyone, I do not feel any shame towards my headmates and can't imagine a reality where we aren't together. If anything, our collective existence is a testament to how resilient we are and it's nice to not feel alone in all this...

Chronic pain moment- so time for bullet points!


Other highlights

• Started Witch Hat Atelier and finished Dungeon Meshi 
• Finished Scavenger's Reign 
• Participated in Artfight and met my personal drawing goal
• Got another Aelius sketch comic done
• Coded a website that I'm actually proud of
• Finally left Twitter... 
• Celebrated 10 year anniversary with Anna!!! 
• Revisited Savannah 
• Reconnected with my childhood interests
• Got my phone's soul transferred into a new vessel (New phone after 7 years!)
• OFF 2025!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Probably something else I forgot??? 

New Year's Resolutions 

• Get license and a job OTL 
• Fill a sketchbook!
• Read at least 3 books (baby steps, I have nuclear ADHD)
• Rekindle journaling habit (journal consistently for a month)
• Add a shrine page to my website
• Come up with an exercise regime 
• Replay childhood Rpgmaker games and rate them